


i wish i could forget (how easily i could hurt you)

by snarkymuch



Series: Broken Wings [6]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Wings, Anxiety, Bigotry & Prejudice, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hugs, Hurt Peter Parker, Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Has Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Self-Esteem Issues, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark tries to help, Wingfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:13:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22819078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snarkymuch/pseuds/snarkymuch
Summary: *Reading the first in the series recommended. It'll make a lot more sense if you do*Tony and Pepper have some news for Peter. It doesn't go over as well as expected. Peter has a panic attack, Tony tries to help, but he's not qualified, but hopefully things can work out a little better from there.
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Broken Wings [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1588876
Comments: 44
Kudos: 436





	i wish i could forget (how easily i could hurt you)

**Author's Note:**

> This one is inspired by a few comments I got, blended with some ideas they spawned. I swear, guys, things will be getting better for Peter. I am not going to let him just hate on himself forever. I have plans. Maybe evil plans, but plans.

“It’s never too early to plan your future,” Tony said as he pulled into the underground garage of the tower.

Peter rolled his eyes, plucking at the MIT hoodie he was wearing. They’d had this talk more than a few times. It wasn’t a secret that Tony wanted Peter to follow in his footsteps and attend MIT after graduation. Peter, on the other hand, wasn’t sure he wanted to leave the city. New York needed Spider-Man, and Peter did, too.

“I promise to look into the stuff you sent.”

The car pulled to a stop, and Peter and Tony got out, walking to the elevators.

Looking over the rim of his sunglasses, Tony smirked. “Aren’t you a little curious what the big secret is?”

Tony had invited Peter to the tower to reveal something big but wouldn’t tell him what, but whatever it was had the genius vibrating with excitement. Peter noticed that the man hadn’t stopped smiling since he’d picked him up.

Peter lifted a brow. “I guess?”

Tony scoffed, stepping into the elevator when the doors opened. He was bouncing on his toes. “You guess? This is life-changing. You’re gonna love it.”

“Did you mix coffee and red bull again? I thought Pepper banned you from doing that.”

Tony shook his head. “That was once.”

“You were twitching.”

“I was fine,” Tony said, pulling off his sunglasses and tucking them into his pocket. “Friday, take us to the penthouse.”

“Of course, boss.”

Tony looked at him as they climbed the floors. “So no guesses?”

“Not really. Did you break your three-day streak with your Tamagotchi?”

Tony tipped his head to the side, and the corner of his mouth quirked up. “Ferdinand is doing just fine, thank you very much, DUM-E and Friday have it under control, but it is about my ability to care for something other than my bots.”

“I almost feel like that should be concerning.”

“Ye, of little faith. Just wait. I’ll admit I wasn’t too sure myself at first, but kid, this is good. I dreamt about this, and now it’s happening, and I want you to be one of the first to know.”

The doors opened on the penthouse floor, and Tony guided Peter out first, staying at his side. A flash of blue caught Peter’s eyes, and he turned to see Pepper striding into the room, her wings on display. She wore a power suit as if she had just come from a meeting, but she was barefoot, her heels hanging from her fingers. She smiled when she saw them, and Tony went to her side, wrapping her in his arms and pressing a kiss to his lips.

Peter looked away, blushing a little at the display of affection.

Pepper cleared her throat, drawing Peter’s attention back to them.

“Hi, Peter. I’m glad you could join us,” Pepper said, and she was smiling nearly as much as Tony.

Peter had no idea what the news was, but whatever it was, it made them very happy.

“Hey, Ms. Potts. It’s really good to see you again.”

He shuffled his weight between his feet. Tony slipped an arm around Pepper’s back and pulled her to his side. Pepper’s free hand rested on her stomach. It made Peter wonder if maybe she was pregnant. No, it couldn’t be. He dismissed the thought. They wouldn’t risk having him so close if she was, would they? He swallowed against the lump in his throat and growing concern as he watched Tony try to contain his excitement.

“So, Pep and I have some news, big news, big news about something that’s actually pretty little right now, but that’s growing every day,” Tony said.

“What Tony is trying to say is, we’re expecting, Peter, and we wanted you to be one of the first to know, as you’ve become very close to us, and I hope, _we hope,_ that we can count on you to be his big brother.”

“Her big brother,” Tony corrected. “I have a feeling it’s a girl.”

Pepper rolled her eyes. “Whichever it is, I hope you will want to be in their life.”

Peter stood frozen, blinking as he took in the information. He couldn’t believe they’d want him around during such a delicate time. He knew Tony said he didn’t believe in the stigma about ravens, but this was a whole different level of trust. This was dangerous. He couldn’t risk bringing any bad luck or harm to Pepper and the baby.

“I can’t—I’m sorry. I have to go.” Peter stumbled back and bolted for the elevator before Tony or Pepper could respond.

* * *

“Peter, you sure you’re alright? You’ve been acting funny for days,” May asked as she set the meatloaf on the table.

Peter shook his head, shrugging a shoulder, too, for effect. “Yeah, yeah. Everything’s fine. Really, nothing to worry about, May.”

She pursed her lips, appraising him for a moment before taking a seat. “I guess I can let whatever it is slide for now, mister, but I expect you tell me if something big is going on that I should be worried about. I don’t like surprises, not after finding you half-dressed in red spandex that time.”

May heaped a large slice of meatloaf onto his plate, and he toyed with his fork. “It’s actually not spandex,” he mumbled.

“Really, Peter, you’re gonna argue that point?” She raised a brow, a faint smile on her lips.

He shook his head and examined the meat on his plate. The top was burnt, and the rest was an eerie gray that food shouldn’t ever be. Leaning forward, he sniffed his plate.

“Oh, don’t give me that,” May started, picking up her fork. “I followed the recipe to the ‘t’ this time.”

Peter grimaced. “I’m not sure that makes this any better.”

May picked up the potholder on the table and lobbed it at him playfully. “Shush it, you. Now eat up. You’re a growing boy as our grocery bill likes to remind me.”

They ate in silence for a while, the only sound the clinking of their forks against their plates. Peter was restless in his seat. His wings ached, needing to be stretched. Since he hadn’t been at the tower, he hadn’t had the chance to have his wings out much, and he was feeling it now.

He shifted his shoulders again, and May lifted her gaze, pausing with the tip of her fork resting on her bottom lip.

“Enough, cut the crap, Peter. What’s going on? I haven’t seen you so restless since you had that crush on that Liz girl.”

Sighing, he set his fork on his plate and leaned back in his chair. He shrugged, scraping his nail against the glass of water beside his plate, breaking the condensation free and sending a droplet rolling down the side.

“It’s really not a big deal. It’s dumb.”

She leaned her forearms against the table, her glasses hanging a little low on her nose. “Peter, you know I love you, and nothing is going to change that. Just tell me what’s eating you.”

Another droplet of water slipped down the glass, and he looked up at May. “Ms. Potts is pregnant.”

“Oh,” May said, straightening in her seat. Her eyes went a little wide, and she blinked. “Oh, that is news, but good news, right? Is Tony happy about it?”

Peter nodded a few times. “Yeah, yeah. They both seem really excited. They want—they asked me to be its big brother.”

“Wow, that’s big, that’s a lot, but really nice, so what’s the long face about?”

Peter shrugged. “I don’t know. Stuff.”

She pursed her lips. After a moment of studying him, her head tilted to the side as realization seemed to dawn. “Raven stuff?”

He shrank down in his seat. “Yeah, I know you guys think it’s just in my head, but what if being around me causes something bad to happen? Either I’m really unlucky, or maybe my wings do hurt people.”

May reached across the table and put her hand over his, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Peter, none of that was your fault.”

He drew his hand back and crossed his arms over his chest.

“You need to talk to Tony and Pepper about this,” she said. “You can’t keep this bottled up inside.”

May took his plate, stacking it on hers and carrying both to the sink.

“I can’t,” he whispered.

She sighed, turning to lean against the counter. “If Tony calls and asks me what’s going on, I’m not going to lie, so I suggest talking to him sooner rather than later. The man worries about you, and we both know how persistent he is.”

* * *

The news droned on in the background as Peter tried to focus on his homework. He had his physics notebook sprawled on his lap, his legs folded under him on the couch. May had gone to work a few hours earlier, leaving Peter alone with his thoughts.

He still hadn’t spoken to Tony. Every time the man called, Peter would decline it. Eventually, he just put it on silent. He knew he was worrying Tony, but he wasn’t ready to talk about it yet.

Something on the news caught Peter’s attention, making him glance up at the screen. A face of a bright-looking college-age kid was displayed on the screen beside the newscaster. The headline, though, was what made Peter’s heart clench.

_Local college student killed. A raven spotted at the scene. Coincidence, or omen? Stay tuned for more after six._

Peter’s mouth went dry, and he tensed so much he tore a page from his notebook. Shoving his homework aside, he went to his room, feeling heavier than he did before.

After changing into his suit, he slipped out of the window and climbed to the roof. Karen’s friendly voice greeted him, but he put her on mute. It wouldn’t stop the baby monitor from recording, but it would give him the illusion of privacy.

His stomach felt sour and twisted, and he squeezed his eyes shut, yanking off his mask as he paced the roof of his apartment building. The cool air soothed his lungs, but it didn’t take away the growing anxiety. He didn’t want to fall apart. He wanted to believe the good things Tony and May said about his wings, but it just wasn’t fair.

Why did he have to have raven wings? Why did everyone leave him? Even if his close circle of friends and family accepted him, the world didn’t. What was on the news proved that. No one wanted someone like him around, and now Pepper was pregnant, and they wanted him to be a brother. He shook his head as he tried to catch his breath. What would people think of seeing a raven around a child? He couldn’t bring that stigma near a baby.

A tight band cinched around his chest, and he struggled to breathe. Faintly, he could hear Karen in the background, but the rushing sound in his ears blurred her words. As panic set in, his wings burst out on his back. They arched up instinctively.

He folded at the waist, clutching his sides as he wheezed and struggled to fight the strain on his chest. The weight of all his worries was suffocating him, and he couldn’t make it back to the surface for air. Speckles danced in his vision, and he wavered on his feet. Lost in his panic, he didn’t hear Tony’s suit landing on the roof, or his footsteps as he approached.

A warm, calloused hand gripped his neck, and he jumped, lifting his head and stumbling back. He knew he was breathing, but it didn’t feel like he was getting any air. The faster he pulled in breaths, the worse he felt, and the more the panic increased. Gone were the thoughts about being raven, and now he only wanted to breathe again.

With wild eyes, sucking in quick breaths, he stared at Tony, silently pleading for help. His mentor seemed to understand and moved quickly.

“Okay, hey, we need to get your breathing slowed down.”

Peter tried, pulling a breath and trying to hold it for a second, but his lungs kicked it out.

“Yeah, that’s not gonna work,” Tony said. “I’m honestly—this isn’t my area, kid. Pep is normally the one talking me down. Okay, feel my hand on your chest?”

Peter nodded, closing his eyes and trying to focus. Tony’s other hand was on his neck again, thumb rubbing back and forth against the nape.

“Try to let it ground you, kiddo.” The hand on his neck disappeared, and a moment later was grabbing his own, guiding it to Tony’s chest. He pressed it against his sternum. “Feel both my hands. That’s it. Just try to copy me, okay? Think of something else—anything else. Convert a quote from Star Wars into binary.”

Peter sucked in a breath. “What?”

A strained smile pulled at Tony’s face. “I’m trying to help.”

Some of the tightness eased, and Peter’s breath hitched. “You’re not very good at this.”

“Which of my degrees made you think I would be? Now concentrate. Binary.”

Peter let out a slow breath, feeling Tony’s heart beating like a rabbit’s beneath his hand. “Don’t you, like, get these all the time?”

Tony rolled his eyes a little. “I used to, but most of the time, I let Pepper feed me a Valium and pet my hair. Neither of those things seem appropriate here.”

His chest hurt, but he could breathe a little better. The conversation was helping to distract him. “May plays with my hair. It puts me to sleep.”

“That’s because you’re the epitome of a golden retriever puppy.”

Dropping his hand from Tony’s chest, Peter wiped at the tears on his cheeks. He didn’t even remember crying. He knew he must look like a mess, and he couldn’t help but be embarrassed at looking so broken in front of his mentor.

“How’re you feeling now?” Tony asked, dropping his hand from Peter and stepping back. “Do you need to sit?”

Peter shook his head. “I’m okay. Things just got a little too much. I don’t know what happened.”

“Panic attacks don’t really need a reason and never ask permission before trashing your day. I’m just glad you were in your suit, so Karen could call me.”

Up until that point, Peter hadn’t thought of how Tony knew he was in trouble, but it made sense.

“Yeah, I’m glad, too. It was—it was scary there for a minute, you know?”

“Better than most. I’ve been dealing with them for years now, though they aren’t so bad anymore. My question is, what triggered this one? Usually, something starts the snowball rolling, so to speak.”

Peter picked up his mask from where he must have dropped it on the roof, staring down at the fabric. He lifted his gaze and looked out over the lights of the city, eyes a little unfocused. He could feel Tony’s sharp gaze watching him.

“Can I take a guess?” Tony asked.

Peter’s gaze dropped to the mask between his hands as he shrugged a shoulder. It was a conversation they were going to need to have sooner or later. Might as well get it over with now.

“Did this have anything to do with the big announcement the other day?”

Peter sighed. “Maybe.”

“Do you not want to be her brother? Was it too much to ask? You can tell me. I won’t be mad.”

Shaking his head, a tear broke free from Peter’s lashes and rolled down his cheek. Great. The last thing he wanted was to cry, but then again, Tony had just watched him fall apart, so what did it matter now?

“I—” Peter started, pausing to take a breath. “I don’t think I’d be good for her. I’m not—I know you mean well, but it’s not safe.”

Tony’s brow scrunched, and he looked genuinely confused. “What are you talking about?”

“I caught the news tonight, before coming up here,” Peter said, watching the lights flicker and dance across the city. “They had a story about a college kid. He’d been killed.”

“Okay, help me out here, kid. I’m not following. Were you involved?”

Peter shook his head. “No, but there was a raven there, I guess. The news was doing a thing about whether it was a coincidence or maybe an omen. I just—it’s not a good idea for me to be around.”

Tony’s jaw tightened. “No, it is a good idea. Don’t pay attention to those prejudice shitbags on the news or anywhere else. Listen to me, listen to your aunt, to Pepper. We love you, kiddo, and we want you around, and we don’t care what stupid shit other people believe.”

“But what if—”

“I’ll tell you as many times as you need to hear it. You’re not cursed, Peter.”

Emotion threatened to overwhelm him, and he ducked his head, tears burning hot tracks down his cheeks. He heard Tony sigh, and then Tony’s arms were wrapping around him and tugging him against his chest. Peter buried his face in Tony’s shoulder and clutched the sides of his shirt. Tony’s hand found his hair, and he gently scraped his nails against his scalp as he hummed soothingly.

Peter’s wings, which had been tensed and partially flexed, relaxed and dropped into a resting position. Tony didn’t let him go, though. He just gently rocked him, holding him close, and murmuring that it would be okay.

And maybe in time, it would be, Peter thought.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you and I hope you liked it!!! You can also find me on [tumblr](https://snarky-drabbles.tumblr.com/) where I talk to myself and reblog marvel stuff.


End file.
